Caroline's Response to Notley

I have to say, right off the bat, that for me, finding this book was like finding gold. After only a few pages I began to feel privileged to be experiencing something so unique and, well, profound. Perhaps most shocking to me was that I was feeling this way about a book I was reading for a college class! Here’s where I admit, I’m a 5th year college student, 3 months from graduating, who didn’t expect much out of this semester at all. But here I am, absolutely changed by Notley’s writing, truly engaged in Alette’s unique journey to self-discovery. I realize that this might not be the most popular reaction to this crazy, at times mind altering text, but I’m really ok with that because I thoroughly enjoyed developing my own relationship with Alette.

To begin, I have to go back to something we were discussing last class. I have to return to the moment when Alette finally remembers, when she finally knows who she is again and what happened to her brother. In my opinion, this was the single most striking moment in Alette’s journey, yes, even over eating the mouse and detaching her sex organ. In this instance, she says, “”My name is” “Alette” “My brother” “died in battle”” (136). It’s amazing that, after everything she has been through, all of the wild experiences she has endured, all of the suffering she has seen and challenges she had withstood, this one human instance of remembrance transcends everything else and becomes her defining moment. This memory is what drives the rest of her actions. The memory of her soldier brother was the one piece of information that could fuel her enough to complete her destiny, to finally defeat her Tyrant. In some way, Alette needed to grapple with the death of her brother, needed to see it clearly, in the face of the Tyrant, and tell him that her brother died when, “ “Two of your leaders” “last fought”” (136). As I had said a few class sessions ago, I was always in it to find out how Alette’s Tyrant would appear, who he would be, and what he would embody for her. In the end, I am so satisfied that this whole journey was a matter of avenging her brother, of finding inner peace with his untimely death.

To backtrack for just a moment before I let go of this book, I have to bring up one more moment from early on in her story. Back in Book Two, as Alette travels through the caves, she comes to one in which she meets a group of red-eyed demon saints. Wanting, as always, to understand this strange place, she drinks a liquid that is supposed to make her “like them”, to allow her to be a demon-saint for a short time. What actually comes of it is that Alette becomes closer than ever to her dead brother, without even realizing it. At this point, her memory is still shot, but upon drinking the potion, she began, “ “…to feel strange” “sensations:” “as if” “I had killed,” “killed many people” “the way a soldier has”” (55). As we discussed in class, soldiers appear throughout the book, in a way that we know must be important but that never really becomes clear until we find out about her brother. Knowing that now, this passage means so much more to me. Although Alette is not aware of it here, when she becomes a demon-saint, she also becomes quite close to her brother, feeling like a soldier. I think that each cave represents some tiny fragment of experience that Alette must have in order to become strong enough to remember, strong enough to use those memories positively. This cave offers her the chance to be her brother, to feel the weight that a soldier does, while still not having to be aware of any of it, or aware of its greater meaning.

Clearly I could go on forever about this book. Which I have to admit is a great feeling. It’s not often that I come across a book that resonates so heavily with me, that engages me so fully. I think the book accomplishes so much, for feminism, for self-discovery, for poetry, literature, language, art, on and on, etc. Maybe the quotation marks are off-putting at first, and perhaps the story is just completely whacky, but in my eyes, Notley is one of the most prolific writers of our time.